Some of the top stories from Raw Story today

• Gonzales fails to reply to Senate on perjury
• Rumsfeld no-show at Pat Tillman hearing: Soon..
• Cheney no show to House environment hearing

I think I'm beginning to detect a pattern here..... Maybe the flu is making the rounds.

Caption contest

REUTERS/Alfred Cheng Jin

Chinese food inspectors face new job challenges.

The tailor sent this over

AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

"Mr. Emperor, here is your new suit. We added the seal just like you asked...."

Cheney to get a recharge

The real problem was finding a pacemaker to fit a heart that's three sizes too small.

Cheney is going in to the hospital to have his pacemaker replaced. Please let it be made in a factory with poor quality control. Georgie gets to be president for a few hours.

Sororities are what they used to be

(Stolen shamelessly from TenGrain-- orig--REUTERS/Larry Downing)

Members of Eye Felta Delta react in horror to the final stage of hazing.

"The jello shots were delicious, and the thing with the ping pong balls was a bit weird, but this is just too much," Buffy Tiffington Muffplaster was not heard to say.

To serve Karl (a subpoena)

Remember that Twilight Zone episode, To Serve Man? If the Graham Kerr of Tau Ceti ever gallops to Earth, I hope Rove is the first dinner guest....

Most memorable event? hmmm

REUTERS/Supri

"Ah'd say it was catching that perch down on mah pig farm in Crawford. It wuz this big."

"Either that or giving Angie a back rub, heheheheh."

This should be a good battle

House bans permanent bases in Iraq

From Think Progress. Today, the House passed a bill stating “it is the policy of the United States not to establish any military installation or base for the purpose of providing a permanent stationing of United States Armed Forces in Iraq.” Speaker Pelosi explained that “today’s vote can again make clear to the President, to the Administration, to the American people, to the people in the Middle East, to the people in Iraq — that the American people are opposed to a permanent military presence in Iraq.”

Stop pouring concrete, stop building infrastructure, stop lining Halliburton's pockets. I can just imagine the semantic arguments over what "permanent" means.

Leahy questions Gonzales

Leahy and friends are ripping Gonzales several new ones today. And old Speedy is looking none too swift. I've been half listening, and the major theme seems to be, "Mister AG, you are a lying sack of poop, why should we believe you, now or ever?"

Must see TV

From Crooksandliars.com

From the sublime to the ridiculous....

Japanese Pro Wrestlers kick ass.

I told you not to forget your meds

ヨコハマ経済新聞

from the Yokohama Keizai Shimbum via Yahoo.jp.co

The administration's conception of the constitutional checks and balances system.
The photo is actually a promo for a new exhibit at the Yokohama Art Museum.

Hastert might resign

Old Photo from somewhere

And take your chimp with you, tubby. Think Progress has the story.
(Be sure to look at this oldie but goodie from Hollywood Lberal.)

Greetings Earthling

from the BBC

Gort! Klaatu barada nikto! Do you know where I can get a shoulder rub?

That's a good question

REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

"This is a magnified view of how much Ah care."

And I say to you ...

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

All Americans need a merkin... heheheheh. (Hey Condi, wha's a merkin.)

Nice Seal

AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

Too bad about your pecker.
Honestly, if that seal were any bigger, it'd be a walrus. And I don't even want to know what the Gaylord Opryland Resort is famous for...

(real caption: Members of the audience listens as President Bush answers questions, Thursday, July 19, 2007, at the Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center in Nashville, Tenn.)

Crow on Wheels

Greetings All,

Thanks to everyone for all for the monetary and moral support. On Saturday, I rode 100 miles on my rusty trusty wheeled steed. The ride as a whole raised over $1.5 million for cancer research. I was not the oldest rider, but probably had the oldest and funkiest (in the best sense of the word) bike. (Just think of the Johnny Cash song, I Got It One Piece at a Time. I estimate that it was older than at least half the riders. My bike is mostly a '67 Dawes Galaxay (from England) that was rescued from the Salvation Army. It's been somewhat updated (and for any bike geeks, converted to a single-speed fixed gear with fenders.) I met a few people on similarly classic or eccentric bicycles, and was duly shunned by the folks on high-zoot wheels whose shoes cost more than my bike.

The scenery was great, including mountains, rivers, lakes, roadkill, nature stuff, and my favorite sight along the route, a giant plastic rabbit. It looked like an escapee from a carnival ride or maybe a beached pedal boat. I told a young rider that I thought I was having an acid flashback. He gave a weak, not quite laugh. Then I noticed he was a team member from the Valley Bible College cycling club. Whoops. At least I hadn't made any hooker jokes.
(original photo by Dan Grossman)
Now back to our regularly scheduled snark.

Sorry, Helen...

(AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

You must be this tall to ask a question.

Tinkerbell?

from yahoo! news

"But ah don't believe in fairies..."

Pampered Chef

AP Photo/Alex Brandon

Pampered Chef sells knives? Terrific!
(I just realized that there is an underlying pun here, especially if Mr. Vitter ever does the cooking.)

The Scandal expands

The diaper scandal expands to include well-known celebrities.

Ooh, it's scary out here.

(AFP/Alejandro Pagni)

Chertoff's Gut Feeling rears its ugly head.

McCain's go-to guy in Florida -- UPDATE

The details have emerged with the police report. Bob Allen offered the undercover policeman twenty dollars let him (Allen) orally gratify the officer. Does this mean Allen is not a hoor? (except in the political sense?)

(I don't necessarily think prostitution is a victimless crime as it is sometimes portrayed, but in my opinion, hypocrisy should be a crime and punished severely.)

To my loyal readers

To my loyal readers: I am riding 100 miles on Saturday on a bicycle to raise money for cancer research. Click the button above and donate now! I will love you forever.

Mad Dog knows how to pick 'em

Arrested pol is McCain campaign Florida co-chairman

Raw Story has this one. Seems Bob Allen was arrested at a park bathroom offering to orally gratify an undercover policeman for $20. (Methinks he had a rather overvalued opinion of his merits. The police, in turn, had another sort of blue-light special in mind.) The story was sordid enough, and then we find out the guy pictured above is McCain's Florida Co-chairman. From the article:

McCain said he was proud of the support he received from Allen and that Allen and his three co-chairs were "respected leaders in their communities and have real experience wrestling with the important issues of our day."

Wrestling experience? hmmm. And guess what? Allen has a strong conservative record and voted with the Christian Coalition 90% of the time.

The Hypocrites' Hall of Fame/Shame has announced plans for an extensive expansion.

I don't know art, but I know what I like

Does this color make my butt look big?

This is one of the masterpieces from Bent Objects. Ninety-nine and forty-four one hundredths pure genius. No, make that 100%. I am off to buy a set of pliers.

Two mules for Sister Sara

Sara Taylor sputters and stumbles when Leahy questions her. Just watch it. She says she took an oath to the president. She could not even look Leahy in the eye when she talked. I think she may be beginning to start to understand that she might just be in deep doo-doo. She should take a break tonight and watch some old movies, maybe Stir Crazy, or Caged Heat, or Really Mean Prison Matrons from Hell.... Maybe Paris can give her some hints on surviving in the gulag and accessorizing with an orange jumpsuit.

Badger, etc

Giant badgers terrorise Iraqi port city. (from Raw Story)

The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a new fear -- a giant badger stalking the streets by night.

Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel rumours of a bear-like monster that eats humans and was allegedly released into the area by British forces to spread panic.

Perhaps that man-animal hybrid research is starting to bear fruit?
(Historical aside: Basra was the first location British troops were deployed in WW I. They were sent to protect Anglo-Persian Oil Company (BP) interests.)

To drink or not to drink?

from some Japanese site

The feet and the grapes thing is bad enough, but this may be going a bit far. This is a wine spa somewhere in Japan. I guess you have to shower before and after.

Riders to be cannonized

REUTERS/Christian Hartmann

Officials introduce strict penalties for infractions of the new anti-doping regulations for this year's Tour de France.

Ola, pendejo, como esta?

Hello George,
.....
Is your refrigerator running?
.....
Well, you better catch it. George? George? Come back, it's only a joke. Stoopit gringo.

DC fashion week continues

REUTERS/Jean-Paul Pelissier

Members of the Fourth Branch of government model their new headwear to honor their boss.

From the Romney Guide to Canine Entertainment

REUTERS/Mike Blake

"Hey Mitt, quit kidding around. This is not funny. The tide is coming in."

Where's my lipstick?

All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others.

(notably Scooter Libby and other republican cronies.)

My apologies in advance to pigs everywhere. Pigs unlike rethuglicans are smart, honest, devoted, and they taste good are always welcome at dinner.

What are they watching?

corante.com

CNN? Grizzly Adams? Gentle Ben? Scooter Libby with a stick?

Lacking the proper T-shirt, ....

(AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Putin uses Russian sign language to say, "I'm with Stupid."

The only Scooter that should be on the streets

For commuting, this is the scooter you want.

President Butch has done it this time. "Rule of Law, we don't need no stinking rule of law."

I don't really have anything to add to the brouhaha. I just want to register my righteous indignation.

I hope this is the Waterloo, when the complacent dog of republican corruption lifts its leg on the electric fence of destiny.

So what will $135 million buy?

Synchronicity, thy name is irony.

For a mere $135 million, you can buy Prince Bandar's Aspen Colorado compound, or Count Dracula's castle in Transylvania. Why are bloodsucker's houses worth so much?

Stories here
Bandar
Dracula

(And if any of my readers decide to purchase either or both properties, please keep me in mind for house manager.)